Bear in mind that everything that exists is already fraying at the edges and in transition, subject to fragmentation and to rot. Or that everything was born to die.
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
A crisp morning in October found me walking through downtown Kelowna to take in the fall colours before starting work. As I am prone to do, I settled into Kasugai Gardens to reflect on everything happening. I felt unsure of the direction I was heading in and needed the space to pull myself together again. The best way for me to do that is by walking then sitting in silence.
I sat on the cold stone bench facing the meditation rocks in the garden thinking. Everything I had worked on for nearly four years could all disappear in a flash. Not by my choice or because I did anything to prompt this action, but by the whims of others in control of the situation. It’s a frustrating feeling, incredibly frustrating honestly, and has caused me a lot more distress than I am accustomed to the last few weeks.
I had to remind myself of what happens with trees at this time of year: leaves falling to the ground or carried in the wind after several months of nurturing them. The trees may lose their leaves, but the trees still remain there as strong as they were the last time they discarded their leaves. I may be losing something with work, but like the trees surrounding me, I will still be here.
I have to see this period of transition in a positive light. It will offer more challenges with the shift to come, more than I could ever imagine, but at the same time offer great opportunities to grow. This event may be a sign to leave certain things behind and to move forward with a new focus and energy. There is nothing wrong with letting go of the business I had built up because I am confident I can regrow it more quickly than before from the lessons I’ve learned over the years.
At the end of it all, who I am as a person will remain unchanged. I will still be writing here, walking the streets of Kelowna, and have my daughter in my care.
Things could always be worse.