Dec 31, 2024 5 min read birthday

Turning 15 Years Old

Another year full of challenges, but my daughter survived.

Sorry.

I struggled to come up with an approach to writing about this past year for my daughter. A lot of the challenges faced in middle school that I wrote about last year increased in frequency and difficulty through the second half of grade 8. It got to the point where the interest in school was slowly disappearing and we made the decision to move to a different middle school for grade 9. I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about it, because this middle school was going to have the kids that she was trying to avoid when going into grade 7.

— Turning 14 Years Old

What started as a promising start to the school year took a nosedive around the time I wrote those words a year ago. To say this year was challenging is understating the problems that Kylie and I have overcome. As she gets older, I find myself getting more cautious about what to write about when it comes to her, so I'll tread lightly and focus on the things that I know she has been more open about on her social media presence.

Around this time last year, Kylie started living with me full-time again, with the only breaks being my few work trips and the sleepovers she has had with friends. It was a mutual decision for this to happen, but rather unexpected with the suddenness of it all. Switching from only seeing each other on weekends to being around each other constantly was challenging for us both. Making it more challenging is her growing need for independence from me and my parents. I had to hand her more trust with her decisions. That wasn't and still isn't an easy thing to do.

I suppose looking back at her younger years, it is similar to the times when I had to let her try things on the monkey bars at school. It was terrifying to watch her hang upside down and hook her legs under the bars while letting go of her grip on the bars with her hands. I can't describe the feeling accurately of how much relief there is when she didn't fall on her head. Just like now, there is great relief when she walks back in the doors before midnight—or even more so when she returns before 9:00 pm.

Even more amazing is when she wakes up at a decent hour.

Getting used to each other again has been trying at times, fun at other times, and exhausting for us both. The great equalizer in this equation has been my girlfriend, who has quickly bonded with Kylie in ways I never could. The time they spent talking during her earlier visits in the year (now living here) about TikTok trends, music, fashion, makeup, boys, and so on, has far surpassed the time I have been able to invest in those things with my daughter. The radio station in my car is now tuned to 99.9 FM rather than the rock station, and I have been watching TikTok more, so I am more aware of the songs she sings to or trends/memes she talks about on TikTok.

The only downside to this has been the number of secrets they withhold from me. "I know your daughter better than you do" is something I have frequently heard from my girlfriend, or the number of times Kylie will run over to the couch to show her something on her phone, but not show me, has been endless. It's all in good fun and I only provide a glimmer of annoyance. I am more happy that they can bond over social media while sharing their favorite Starbucks drinks together.

School has always been challenging the last three years, and this year was no different. What was a promising start to the school year for grade 9 flipped completely after the winter break ended. The bullying intensified, the disinterest in school continued to grow, and by the time Spring Break happened, Kylie and I both realized that finishing the school year was going to be impossible. After leaving the school, I tried to encourage her to keep up with some work to keep her mind thinking about the academic subjects, especially English and math, and not become trapped on her phone.

For Grade 10, it was decided before the summer break to switch to one of the alternative schools in Kelowna. This school has brought about some of its own challenges, but Kylie has been persevering through them far better than in past years. The classwork is done predominantly online with teacher support in the class, and the class sizes are far smaller, maybe 15 students if everyone decides to come into class. She is also able to work ahead at her own pace, which means she has completed the classwork for English and Math well before the Christmas break occurred.

She has spent more time talking about the future in the school year and the path towards graduation, which has been very promising to hear. It is always going to be difficult to get teenagers excited for school. This has been the most excited Kylie has been about school since maybe grade 4. It has been a long time coming, and I am happy to see it.

The other item of note this year was Kylie's second job, working at McDonald's. Again, it was challenging working in an environment with adults and a fast-paced environment, but one that she enjoyed for a while. She learned the menu quickly, took orders on the drive-thru headset, and did the typical teenager tasks of wiping counters. Not exactly fun, but she did have the larger benefits of cheap meals and drinks. She also started talking about working at a different McDonald's location in the future, so not completely turned off from fast food restaurants. And, of course, she enjoyed having more spending money to use on anything she liked.

Overall, Kylie has shown a lot of resiliency this year with everything happening in her life and around her. For as much as the older generations complain about Gen Z's work ethic and general lack of motivation, Kylie tends to show promise with her future career(s). The struggles in school don't seem to knock her down as much it would have done to me at her age, and she remains focused on her future successes through it all. We all have our low points and struggles in our lives, but she tends to rebound quickly and get on in her life.

Happy birthday, Kylie.