by

37- Absence

 

Putting the emphasis back on me and not putting so much energy towards negative things that have happened in my life has improved my outlook on life. It is still difficult at times, of course, and I know failure is right around the corner once again. When it does happen though, I will be better prepared to handle it.

36 – What Took You So Long?

Last year, I started my exploration of mindfulness and living life in the present moment. I started a few months prior to my birthday, but by birthday, I began to understand how important it was to life. I wondered last year, why it took me so long to discover it and put it into practice; this year has made me realize why it’s not easy. You have to continually practice mindfulness to be fully aware.

Being present and mindful is hard work; not feeding into negative energy is even more difficult.

This past year has made me acutely aware of the negative energy surrounding me, more so when it is being directed at me for whatever reason. On numerous occasions, I’ve been put into challenging situations by people where they’ve attacked me, put me down, and pressed my buttons looking for a response. The response I give them is not the one they’re looking for, which makes them amplify their efforts. In short, I respond not with anger and frustration, but neutrality.

The lesson this year has been: negative energy + negative energy ≠ positive outcome.

They’re looking for a fight, wanting to get under my skin in anyway they can so that they feel some satisfaction and justify the negative energy they’re feeling. More often than not, the negative energy is used as a bullying tactic to position themselves above me. They’re right to feel the way they are because I am inferior to them.

Becoming more aware of this negative energy has led me to keep my own emotions in check as much as possible. The negative emotions have been mostly absent this past year at the workplace and personally. They still slip out when I’m at home with my daughter though, when she’s pushing my frustration levels even more than normal. Something to work on in the coming year.

There have been some great benefits for eliminating the negative energy from work and in my personal life. The consequence has been feeling more mentally drained than in years past. It may because I am adjusting to a new work environment since I became a licensed property manager in March. When I was in the hotel environment in Whitehorse, I had many more outlets to vent about situations happening at work. Now, I’ve been much more reserved and internalizing everything, keeping myself in check. It’s been exhausting.

Only when I became more aware of the energy being expended did I realize it’s far easier to focus on the negative than on the positive.

It created an imperfect storm for me this year, especially in the summertime. Between being busy with work, mentally drained, or busy with my daughter, I have been absent from this space since March. My fitness has dropped off, as well. Both of these are important aspects to my life and I feel like a failure that I haven’t been able to balance everything out properly. They are things I am aware of and will strive to do better in the coming year.

I have written about negative energy a lot in this. It certainly has been a focus of mine, but it doesn’t mean that the positive energy is gone. I have been feeling better about the direction of my life in the latter part of this year. I’m close to reaching the tipping point where things will get much busier, much more successful in my life. It’s been a long journey to this point with some heavy dips and hills to climb up.

The next year should be much more rewarding and freeing for me in all aspects of my life- meaning more time to focus on the other areas of my life that I didn’t give enough attention to this past year.

Silence

and a deeper silence

when the crickets

hesitate

— Leonard Cohen, passed away November 10th, 2016.


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Five ways to wish me a happy birthday:

  1. Treat yourself to some of the best coffee out there, and give me a cup at the same time at: Blue Bottle Coffee
  2. My favourite book this year: Mindfulness in Action: Making Friends with Yourself through Meditation and Everyday Awareness by Chögyam Trungpa – USA and Canada
  3. Discover some really great products at BespokePost or read my Bespoke Post Review
  4. For the guys, check out Gentleman’s Box or shop at Frank & Oak to up your style.
  5. Or make a Donation