Jealousy or Love Comes Again
I was listening to the short video post (vlog? that never sounds right to me) by Lori Painter at her site, Life by Lori, about jealousy. It’s a topical piece for me to read about, because I still struggle with some strong feelings of jealousy towards my ex-girlfriend. It’s been nearly six months since she left. The first two months were fairly rough on me for many reasons, but the hurt was definitely the strongest during that time. August, September, October were full of change for me, and I had grown to accept more why she had left and the changes I need to continue to make. The past month, however, has been a bit more straining on me.
I was struggling with how to approach and tackle this on my own. Lori’s video helped pinpoint a problem, and then a comment left by delrashid reminded me of something that I was choosing to ignore.
Here is Lori’s comment in response to mine:
“Those jealous feelings are the same with an ex! Your jealousy was a mirror reflecting back at you to take care of your health and step it up a notch and to really do things that fuel you and empower you and give you satisfaction! You deserve to be as healthy and happy as possible and she shined some light on some habits that you may have been slacking off on.”
And delrashid’s comment:
“However we guys tend to have a ‘selfish’ ego, so learn to be happy for her, and remember , that the people who we meet throughout our lives always leave an imprint on us. True love is unconditional, and time is a great healer. I would take Loris advice to overcome your selfish jealousy.”
Between the video and the two comments, I had a bit of a wake-up call in how I should be approaching this. I have been focusing a lot on how the ex-girlfriend has a lot going for her (dramatic weight loss looking better than ever, getting enrolled into school, vibrant social life). I was getting annoyed that I wasn’t having the same level of achievements (I am losing weight, getting in shape, and have the business growing slowly) and that I wasn’t part of the happiness she has found in her life.
Instead, I need to learn how to be happier for her, which should be easier since she is the mother of my daughter. A happier life for her means a happier life for my daughter. At the same time, the parts of her life that I feel the most jealous about are the areas I need to focus more on in my own life.
- The past several days, I have been working out harder than ever, and will incorporate cardio exercises during the days I don’t have my daughter.
- I am not going to enroll in school, but I will put more attention on growing my business and finding reliable clients.
- I will try to develop a social life (which is probably the biggest challenge an introvert can ever face – I’m sure we’d rather be put in a ring with a thousands lions than to go up to a stranger and say hello).
After I am happier in those areas, I think I will be more prepared to discover love again, as the Tiesto song says.
You have become what you have always been
light flickering around, peripheral vision
no words we can speak, our paths have been chosen
but all trails that we trek,
-should lead us back to here because ourlove comes again
just when i’ve broken down i found
love can come again
you’ve got to believe thatlove comes again
just when i’ve broken down i found
love can come againdig within me, turn all the secret stones
forests and fields, breathing with blood and bones
still no words we can speak, our paths have been chosen
but all trails that we trek,
-should lead us back to here because ourlove comes again
just when i’ve broken down i found
love can come again
you’ve got to believe thatlove comes again
just when i’ve broken down i found
love can come againLove Comes Again – DJ Tiesto
By James McCullough
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